The Beginning

So times are strange. We spend our whole lives trying to figure out the story of our lives that sometimes we forget to read it ourselves. Its so easy to run toward the goals that everyone tells you are important. Love, marriage, in laws......hell...you know,the basics.

Then, there's divorce. It's like starting over. Only you are older, out of touch, socially dysfunctional and horny. These, are not the best combination. But then again, if we got everything in life as we planned it life would be full of bunnies and sunshine and other cute shit. (and unless you are a vet that lives in equador with a rabbit specialization and pink scrubs, its not)

We are products of the crap in our lives. Our creation is solely based on our baggage. The very things that break us, make us. How we see the world, who we trust, who we go to cry to or if we can really cry. Its that pain that makes us, its that vision of how we see the world that molds us. What we do with that vision is what determines if we are great, or if we live our lives with the "what ifs" and finding bitterness toward the end. We control our destinies. Wether you want to call it G-d, or if youw ant to call it the great spaghetti monster or if you just want to call it youself.....you are your starting point. And no matter how perfect you see your life, how wonderful it may appear, eventually...you have to start over.

When you start over you get a second a chance.

Admittedly as much as we all want to pretend it goes away , it never will. The crap that happened to us when we were married, or in our lives. Its still here. Second chances really aren't about starting from the zero mark, they are more starting with ten steps back. But only if we let that intimidate us, will it stop us.

I can think of a hundred reasons in my life to stop right now. To find drinking or more permanent means to just forget things. To just...forget me. But I never will. Even if I fail to find greatness, I know there is still more to find. And even though life hurts so much right now, what would moping about it solve. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to not expect yourself to be.

Stress, Pain, agony, misery. Tears. They are all just devices for us to move foreward. Strength comes with knowing that shit hurts, knowing that you can't make things better. Knowing there are somethings that people just can't fix, and taking a next step. So what if you fall, so what if you look up one day and wonder why....

Sometimes the better question isn't why. But what's next.